Wendy Carlos' Recording Tips for the Beginner

From Wendy's homepage comes this list of helpful hints for those about to engineer an audio recording: bq. Recently a good friend was enthusiastically about to commence his first professional set of recording sessions (you know who you are...!) In my usual helpful, supportive, but ever malicious way, I decided to jot down a series of "Helpful Tips for the Novice Recording Engineer", and send it to him. With tongue firmly in cheek, here is the nasty parody that resulted. A few samples: bq. The best microphone for an accordion is none. (This rule-of-thumb also applies to bagpipes and rappers.) bq. If you are recording onto tape, good maintenance practice would be to clean the tape head and path. Do not use peanut butter for this, even the "creamy" kind. Mustard, crazy glue, or mayonnaise are also poor choices (trust me), but in an emergency, Vodka on a Q-tip will work, especially if recording Russian music (hint: save some for yourself, but substitute an olive for the Q-tip.) bq. Usually it's preferable to put reverb on AFTER the solo tracks are recorded, as true reverb filters not only don't exist yet, but are unusually expensive, and difficult to abuse. bq. Be sure the sound passes through the cables in the proper direction (note the arrows on the connectors or cord.) Otherwise, when a singer inhales, you will hear an exhale, and vice versa. This is as horrible as the worst possible vice: punning (and as you know, there is no vice versa.) bq. Do not wave at a performer unless seated. Good studio practice minimizes all Standing Waves. Heh... Wendy did the original "Switched On Bach" (she was Walter back then) and has been doing some amazing work in several different disciplines ever since.