Comparing three rifles

There are some things you know if you have a K-31, as well, or an M1 Garand.
I wrote these for Guncounter.com:
Stuff you know if you have a Schmidt Rubin K-31.
The bore was cleaned with a special grease, leaving it in pristine condition, but the wood was left to be chewed on by beavers.
You can hit the lock on the barn door at 300 m.
The mags are made of cardboard.
The safety draws attention at the range because it looks like a giant hypodermic syringe sticking out of the back of the receiver.
Your rifle came with a 50 year old leather sling and a brass muzzle cover.
Your bayonet costs more than the rifle.
You can put six rounds in the X-ring at 300 yards using surplus Swiss ammunition.
When out of ammunition your rifle makes a very good club.
You wonder if that is really how the stock got so beat-up.
You wonder at people concerned about the recoil.
You will argue with anyone who says that the straight-pull design is too delicate for actual combat.
Service life: 55 years.
You paid $100 for the rifle, have another on the way, and are planning to buy 3 more so you can get them for $89.95 each.
You are seriously considering buying iron sights for it that cost three times what you paid for the rifle.
You buy the ammunition by the case and save the Berdan-primed brass for the day when the surplus ammunition runs out and you�ll have to learn to reload it.
You know the name, rank and serial number of the soldier your rifle was issued to and are envious of other K-31 owners who have received answers to letters to the former soldiers. You consider it a badge of honor that this accurate rifle has not actually ever been used to kill anyone.
You follow the discussion on the various Swiss Rifle web sites about what the original finish really was.
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for Fondue and Swiss Chocolate.
You have a picture of General Guisan on your computer, and never saw any pictures of Colonel Schmidt or Colonel Rubin.
Your wife tolerates you buying the Swiss helmet, camo uniform, belt, pouches and other accessories over the internet because she doesn�t know you have five of these rifles already. Late at night you resist the urge to tell your wife (for the tenth time) how well the Swiss shoot, and the joke that ends with "we shoot twice and go home."

Stuff you know if you have an M1 Garand.
You�re searching the web for the authentic WW2 cleaning fluid that is carcinogenic.
You have a full gross of the little grease pots that fit in the stock.
You are able to hit the barn from two farms over.
Mags are for klutzes!
Your safety is both subtle and easy to use.
Your sling cost more than the Mosin-Nagant.
Your sight is the only peep sight you�ve ever seen on a battle rifle.
Your bayonet doubles as a fighting knife.
You can put a whole clip into a man-sized target at 200 yards.
Service life: 30 years.
When out of ammo your rifle is an excellent club.
Recoil? The .30-06 is a manly cartridge effective past 500 yards and capable of triumphing over the finest from Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, and Communist North Korea, and taking any animal in North America. Don�t be wimping out about the recoil. The �03 Springfield, now, that had recoil!
Your rifle was used by the free world to turn back the tide of totalitarianism.
You bought your rifle from the Office of the Civilian Marksmanship Program for $600 and are tickled that the government � the GOVERNMENT! sent the rifle to your home.
You buy ammo by the case and debate the advantage of Lake City over Greek or Korean or Federal.
You consider it a badge of honor to know first hand what "Garand Thumb" is. You secretly smile when the guy next to you gets Garand Thumb.
You not so secretly smile when everyone at the range wants to see, hold, and fire your M1. After firing off eight rounds you know in your heart that General George S. Patton�s acknowledgment of the M1 as "the greatest implement of battle ever devised" is still true.
You relax after a long day at the range by watching "Band of Brothers".
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge to liberate a bunch of effete Europeans � again.
You have the helmet, the cartridge belt, the butt stock cleaning kit, the muzzle guard, and are still learning about the other accessories.
Your rifle�s finish is boiled linseed oil, which served our nation well, until the advent of the "Matty Mattel."
Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of John C. Garand.
Late at night you think of your Garand and feel at one with your Grandfather who carried one from D+10 to Mittersill