Visiting Jesusland
Sir Banagor at
Shining Plate and a Good Broadsword links to an excellent travel article for those sensitive, nuanced, thinking people who might be considering a visit to Jesusland.
From
Moxie.nu comes
Visiting Jesusland: a LeftyPlanet guidebook:
bq.
Country Description:
The citizens of Jesusland, known as "Conservatives" are generally a peaceful and industrious people. They pay low taxes, have a President that terrorists fear and shockingly their government thinks those Jesus-freaks who earned their own money (all of them!) know best how to spend it.
bq. While the citizens of Jesusland may seem loving and accepting of your wanton ways, keep in mind these folks are a nation of riflemen. And women. (Sorry, misandrists! No womyn allowed!)
bq. Speaking of women -- the female Conservatives are rumored to be the finest women around.
bq. In stark contrast to those who are liberal, or liberaltarians -- the women of the right bathe regularly, sometimes more than once a day! In addition to smelling nice, the female citizens often wear makeup and will grant you the privilege of opening a door for them. Women in Jesusland shave and/or wax and patchouli is considered (by both sexes) to be a weapon of mass destruction.
bq.
Safety and Security:
Unless you are Bill or Hilary Clinton, lefties visiting the western holy land will be safe. Crime, drugs and homosexuals (except Dick Cheney's daughter, who is a lesbian) are all non-existent in God's country.
bq. Should you find yourself in an immoral bind, there is a Libshit Embassy in every state of Jesusland. At the Embassy, you can find clean needles, welfare checks, imported hookers, butt-pirates, apple cider enemas, herbs, food stamps, socialized medicine and other liberal entitlements.
bq. If you are a billionaire limousine liberal and pay less than 12% federal taxes (or are named Teresa Heinz Kerry), please request the Embassy concierge who can provide whatever your rich, wide ass wants. Free of charge.
There's more and it's just as good... Check it out!
Posted by DaveH at November 9, 2004 9:00 PM