Trip Report

Jen and I like to hike and backpack. There is a local association of people who maintain the trails and its members will frequently write trip reports of their hikes to serve as a resource for others that may plan the same hike. Here are the first two paragraphs from one such report: bq. Mailbox Peak Hike past the gate up the road keeping to the right at a "Y" in the road. Soon the road will re-enter forest. Keep an eye on the left side of the road looking for the usually unmarked trail head. If you come to a stream passing through a culvert under the road you have gone about 100' to far. As luck would have it I visited my dentist Karen D. Sakuma D.D.S. last week and her hygienist Marsha gave me a new tooth brush (not that I don't buy them on my own, I usually buy a new one every three months or so). So anyhow I had my old tooth brush with me and that is now marking the trail head as per tradition. So look for a Crest complete tooth brush with a black and blue handle with soft bristles stuck in the ground at the trail head. If you see any other type of tooth brush it's the wrong trail. Make sure you test the bristles with your thumb to ensure they are soft bristles. Don't rely on the color alone to identify the tooth brush. bq. So now you're on the trail. The trail passes through second growth forest. Listen for the sound of enchanted wood-nymphs playing their well lubricated Sousaphones. Don't expect to see them though, they bury themselves up to their necks in the mud and place manure on their heads to disguise themselves so people won't step on them. They play old Gilbert and Sullivan show tunes -- badly. Expect to hear a few bars of "Three Little Maids from School" from the Mikado played over and over. When you reach a stream do not cross it. For God's sake whatever you do, do not cross it. The trail clearly turns to the left and heads away from the stream, so don't cross the stream. Only a very stupid person would cross that stream. If you do cross the stream, throw these instructions away, they won't help you anymore. Now that you haven't crossed the stream (I sure hope you didn't cross that stream) follow the trail, still flat for a short distance. Ignore the fresh meat hanging from trees, they're just there to attract grizzly bears. The local chapter of the Brownie Scouts has been collecting sperm samples from the grizzly bear population for a 4-H club science project. This means the male grizzlies are fairly docile, but the sows may be a bit testy (seems backwards doesn't it). The project has had a negative impact on both the population of Grizzly bears and Brownie Scouts, but the results are expected to radically change the way we use cellophane. Soon the trail starts to go up. If you're not sure which way this is, stand, then look down at your feet. Now snap your head backwards really hard so year neck swivels 180 degrees. You are now looking up. That's where the trail goes. Now would be a good time to call a chiropractor to have your neck realigned. I don't know what was in Bill's trail mix that day but I want some...