Recently in Humor Category
Favorite new thing:
— kevinbiegel (@kbiegel) July 5, 2018
Scratching haunting things into bananas at the market so when people take them home hours later and the words appear they think a ghost knows their secrets. pic.twitter.com/aDOMd3K8cX
Now I know:
This wonderful movie came up in conversation today - here is the pie fight scene - pure slapstick:
It is rumored that it is so cold in Massachusetts that Elizabeth Warren now claims to be an Eskimo.
Heh...
From over the transom:
The WA city of Tacoma just can't get no respect to quote a very funny man. This came in over the transom:
Tip of the hat to Grouchy Old Cripple:
Reading President Trump's tweets as Gollum: "The FAKE NEWS media has never been so wrong. Or so DIIRRRRRRTY!"
From the Babylon Bee:
Trump Picks Alex Jones As New Press Secretary
Confirming the widespread rumors that Sean Spicer would be departing the office in short order, President Donald Trump has chosen InfoWars chief and renowned conspiracy theorist Alex Jones as the new Press Secretary, the White House announced Tuesday.
The fiery Jones wasted no time getting in front of the cameras, holding his inaugural press conference shortly after the announcement.
“I am the new Press Secretary!” he bellowed in his distinct Texas growl at all the reporters present, occasionally taking a handkerchief out of his pocket to dab perspiration from his red face. “AAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHH!” he continued, beating his chest like a gorilla.
“We’re comin’ for ya globalists! 1776 will commence, you wicked, wicked devils!” he added, before mumbling something about gay frogs.
Needless to say, the Babylon Bee is a satire site. Sure would be fun to see heads pop if this were true but glad it is not - Jones is a conspiracy theorist of the first order.
Heh:
Great Star Trek mashup - hat tip to Ace of Spades for the link:
He's got the whole crew:
For context, watch this first: Buster the Boxer from the John Lewis department store in London, England:
And then this parody - from JOE.co.uk:
Delightful bit of video.
Just ran into a nice memorial website for this terrible marine disaster: Staten Island Ferry Disaster Memorial Museum
From their about page:
It was close to 4am on the quiet morning of November 22, 1963 when the Steam Ferry Cornelius G. Kolff vanished without a trace. On its way with nearly 400 hundred people, mostly on their way to work, the disappearance of the Cornelius G. Kolff remains both one of New York’s most horrific maritime tragedies and perhaps its most intriguing mystery. Eye witness accounts describe “large tentacles” which “pulled” the ferry beneath the surface only a short distance from its destination at Whitehall Terminal in Lower Manhattan.
Nobody on board survived and only small pieces of wreckage have been found…strangely with large “suction cup-shaped” marks on them. The only logical conclusion scientists and officials could point to was that the boat had been attacked by a massive octopus, roughly half the size of the ship. Adding to the tragedy, is that this disaster went almost completely unnoticed by the public as later that day another, more “newsworthy” tragedy would befall the nation when beloved President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated. The Staten Island Ferry Disaster Museum hopes to correct this oversight by preserving the memory of those lost in this tragedy and educating the public about the truth behind the only known giant octopus-ferry attack in the tri-state area.
They erected a nice monument near the site of the sinking:
And yes, this is a work of satire.
The original little 8-bit guy mashes up with some stupid human fail videos. Two parts:
Tip of the hat to BoingBoing for the link - more there.
Alex Williamson translates some of William Shakespeare's phrases into Bogan Aussie. A very sophisticunted performance. Wear headphones if at work - most definitely NSFW.
From Sports Book Nation:
The entire British Olympic team arrived back in England with the same red suitcase
Great Britain had an amazingly successful Olympics. A record medal haul, a nation of adoring fans welcoming Olympians home as heroes. There was just one problem — baggage claim.
Great Britain’s athletes weren’t just given official Olympic attire, they got special Olympic baggage too. Baggage that matched. Heading to one of the world’s busiest airports. With everyone arriving at the same time.
Athletes arrived just after 5 a.m. local time. Their bodies were telling them it was 1 a.m. because of the time difference to Rio. Bleary eyed, the athletes needed to try and work together in an effort to find which red bag in a sea of red bags was theirs.
Judging from three athletes’ timelines, it took roughly two hours for the problem to get sorted out. Many of them finally emerged from baggage claim to meet the public around 7 a.m.
Oopsie...
What with all the renewed pokemon craze - from The Oatmeal:
I know a bunch of people from both population groups and this is 100% spot on:
I love a good limerick - ran into this one today:
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By winds that left her quite nude
Saw a man come along And, unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd!
A few days ago, New York Daily News reporter Gersh Kuntzman published this article. It was so over the top and full of mis-information that he parodied himself.
What is it like to fire an AR-15? It’s horrifying, menacing and very very loud
Best-selling author Larry Correia created this representative info-graphic and took the Kuntzman story and ran with it:
ASK KUNTZMAN!
After the wildly successful feature where ace reporter Gersh Kuntzman gave us the straight scoop on what it is like to shoot the terrifying AR-15 “Black Mamba Star Killer Base” rifle, we here at the New York Daily News are happy to present our new feature ASK KUNTZMAN!
Join us as Gersh Kuntzman gives valuable life advice. Send us your questions, from lifestyle choices to product reviews, and together we may peer deep into his earth mother like wisdom. From his lilac scented crying pillow to you, rejoice as Gersh Kuntzman let’s you know what’s really going on in the world.
Go and read the rest - caution: multiple drink alert - Larry is at the top of his form...
Dear Abby,
My husband hasn't worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies.
I know he`s cheated on me many times with younger women.
He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive wine and booze day and night.
We sleep in separate beds.
Should I clobber him with my frying pan, or should I leave him, Abby?
Your advice would be appreciated.
Mad as Hell
Dear Mad as Hell,
You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man.
I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p.
Don`t resort to clobbering him with the frying pan, and try to act like a lady!
Remember, you`re running for President of the United States, so try acting like it!
Abby
Horrible wingsuit accident caught on video (joke):
An oldie but a goodie:
People send me stuff...
Dear Abby,
My husband hasn’t worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. I know he’s cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his grand-daughters. I know this because he brags about this to me. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive champagne day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he tells me he knows I am a lesbian and my varicose veins and fat behind turns him off. Should I clobber him with a frying pan, or should I just leave him?
Your advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Mad as hell
********************
Dear Mad as hell,
You don’t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out ASAP.
Don’t resort to clobbering him with the frying pan - try to act more like a lady.
Remember…you are running for President of the United States, so try to act like it!
Best of luck to you.
Signed,
Abby
From the Kansas City Star:
Man tries to put out garbage fire by driving over it in a van loaded with ammunition
A Clay County sheriff’s deputy retreated to a safe distance from a van burning in a field Tuesday afternoon after he heard the sound of live ammunition going off inside it.
The deputy found the van burning near Old State Highway 210 and Bluff Road, south of Liberty, about 2:30 p.m., said Jon Bazzano, a spokesman for the Clay County Sheriff’s Office. The deputy had been in the middle of a traffic stop when he saw black smoke on the horizon and headed that way to investigate.
Eventually, the deputy found the owner of the vehicle watching the fire from a distance.
The deputy learned that the owner had been burning garbage in the field and accidentally let the fire get out of control. In an attempt to put the fire out, he drove his van back and forth over the flames.
This made matters worse, as the tires of the van caught fire. Realizing that the van was loaded with firearms ammunition and a full tank of gas, the driver evacuated the area for safety.
A bit more:
The deputy did not immediately cite the owner, who declined to make a report for a possible insurance claim.
“It seems like he’s just going to have to take a loss on that vehicle because I don’t think they’re going to cover it,” Bazzano said.
Hey - I'm going to burn some trash out in a field. Fire is getting a bit out of control so I am going to drive my van on top of it.
I cannot imagine the thought process that went on in that poor sap's brain...
Cute!
This came in from an email:
Actually, if Sam or Rocky could talk economics or politics, we would have some wonderful discussions long into the night over a couple flakes of hay.
