Recently in Humor Category
All of Scotland's snow plows have been named and this website allows you to track them as they work.
From Not The Bee:
Scotland named every single one of their snowplows, and the names are hilarious
They call them "gritters" in Scotland.
The country has 230 vehicles that remove snow and salt the roads, and every single one of them has been getting a name since 2006 when the Scottish Transport Ministry began asking children to give them monikers.
A few of my favorites are David Plowie, Snowkemon Go, Spready Mercury, and The Grittest Snowman.
Not The Bee is the factual adjunct to the Babylon Bee satire website.
From Donald Trump Jr's twitter account:
Ya know, there’s actually a tiny part of me that wants to congratulate @RepSwalwell for getting a real, live woman to be intimate with him, even if she was a Chinese Communist spy. It’s gotta be so much harder for him now after he shat himself on live TV.
— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) December 9, 2020
That is going to leave a mark...
From Woodsterman:
Being 2020 and all:
A new take on an old (and perfect) quote from America's first polymath:
Over at Denny's - just go and read the whole thing: Grouchy Old Cripple
The best humor has an element of truth.
His latest cartoon on the debate (with a link to the backstory):
Cute backstory about some British African Grays at Miami, Florida station WPLG / Local 10
Gray parrots separated at zoo after swearing a blue streak
A British zoo has had to separate five foul-mouthed parrots who keepers say were encouraging each other to swear.
Billy, Eric, Tyson, Jade and Elsie joined Lincolnshire Wildlife Centre’s colony of 200 gray parrots in August, and soon revealed a penchant for blue language.
“We are quite used to parrots swearing, but we’ve never had five at the same time,” said the zoo’s chief executive, Steve Nichols. “Most parrots clam up outside, but for some reason these five relish it.”
Nichols said no visitors had complained about the parrots, and most found the situation funny.
“When a parrot tells tells you to ‘f-— off’ it amuses people very highly,” he said Tuesday. “It’s brought a big smile to a really hard year.”
Nichols said the parrots have been separated to save children’s ears. They were moved to different areas of the park so they don't “set each other off,” he said.
Heh:
Heh - fun video from Ozzy Man Reviews:
From America's Newspaper of Record:
Large Turnout At Memorial For Hans Gruber Who Was Thrown From A Building By A Police Officer
LOS ANGELES, CA—A huge crowd turned out Sunday for the Hans Gruber memorial service. Gruber was the victim of police violence, having been thrown from Nakatomi Plaza by police officer John McClane, which many consider one of the most excessive uses of force ever witnessed. After the incident, there were protests all week, and now thousands from all over the country came to pay respects to Gruber, widely described as an “intelligent and witty soul.”
“That man was a hero,” said Doyle Graham, who traveled from Nevada to pay respects. “I mean, I don’t really know much about him other than that some police officer killed him, but he seems like someone we should all honor and emulate.”
Gruber was part of a mainly peaceful protest against the Nakatomi Corporation, which was goaded into violence by the actions of McClane. Ultimately, McClane threw Gruber from the 30th floor, even though Gruber was completely unarmed (or at least he was when he hit the ground). Even LAPD Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson denounced the actions, calling McClane a “nutcase” who should have “just stayed put.”
We must protest this police violence. Video of the event can be found here. Sickening. Backstory here.
BillG and BillC - a comparison:
Found on the internet:
Apologies to Gary Larson:
Today's Dilbert hit close to home:
With all the statues being toppled by the kiddies recently, this is not surprising. From Eat Liver:
The Statues Are Finally Fighting Back
We’ve all heard about people taking down statues as a part of BLM protests and riots that have been happening recently. Meanwhile the statues around the world have apparently started to fight back. Scroll down to see for yourself!
More at the site - cute idea.
Going to be interesting to see how we all "wake up" - saw this and it resonated:
From America's Newspaper of Record:
'TRUMP SMASH!' Roars Giant Green President After Taking One Too Many Doses Of Hydroxychloroquine
President Trump revealed he has been taking hydroxychloroquine, but it appears he may have overdone it as he has transformed into a giant green mutant.
Trump had gone down to the science lab in the basement of the White House and demanded more hydroxychloroquine. "You've already had one hydroxychloroquine today," the inventor of the drug, Dr. Bob Hydroxychloroquine, told him. He was chained to the workstation, being forced to cook up more and more of the drug for the president.
"Yes, but what about second hydroxychloroquine?" Trump said, grabbing a beaker of a bubbling blue substance from the scientist. "I love this stuff!"
"My gosh," the horrified scientist muttered, taking off his glasses. "No mortal can handle that much!" The researcher tried to flee but was yanked back by his chains, knocking over an experimental gamma ray gun that fired straight at Trump's face.
"Power... unlimited power!" bellowed Trump as he began to grow in size, his persimmon skin turning green as his suit ripped off from his newfound giant muscles. "TRUMP ANGRY! TRUMP SMASH!"
Trump began to smash the room up as his alter ego and then ran upstairs where he destroyed much of the West Wing. He was finally calmed down and returned to normal as aides leaped onto his back and injected him with a shot of Clorox.
Title? Huey Lewis and The News
Found on the web:
5 types of customers since the “rona”:
1) Steve:
He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.
Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.
2) Brad:
He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.
Brad will not survive.
Steve will probably eat him.
3) Nancy:
She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.
She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.
4) Karen:
She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chik-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.
Karen will not survive longer than Brad.
5) Mary:
Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.
Mary will survive and marry Steve.
Together they will repopulate the earth.
May God have mercy on us all.
The last supper would have been quite different:
Nope - none at all. Hollywood stunt actress Zoë Bell has some fun with her friends:
Had me smiling if not outright laughing through the whole five minutes. I love the little "Easter Eggs" for their roles.
Heh:
Brilliant idea:
Swiped in full from Grouchy Old Cripple:
Last Saturday afternoon in Washington, D.C., an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic Cathedral. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending Sunday’s Mass and asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling her a saint.
The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over most of Pelosi’s views.”
Pelosi’s aide said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the Church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”
As Pelosi’s aide promised, Nancy appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Ms. Pelosi was present.
The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, “While Ms. Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a drunken thumb-sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for evading her Representative obligations both in Washington and in California. Just look at the streets in her district! Feces everywhere. The woman is simply not to be trusted.”
The Cardinal concluded. “But, when compared with Hillary Clinton, Ms. Pelosi is a saint.”
So true. And I am saddened by the announcement of the Cardinal's upcoming suicide - despondent so he shot himself three times in the back of the head.
We must give aid to the disadvantaged people - from America's Newspaper of Record:
Democrats Demand Stimulus Bill Include Reparations For Transgender Native Americans Affected By Climate Change
Democratic lawmakers are blocking the stimulus bill proposed in Congress, slamming their Republican colleagues for refusing to include reparations for transgender Native Americans affected by climate change.
"If we aren't handing billions of dollars to Native Americans with gender dysphoria displaced by our current climate emergency, then what are we even doing here?" shouted Chuck Schumer in a scathing speech outside the Capitol Building. "The American people are waiting for us to pass this bill, and the evil Republicans are stubbornly insisting we don't earmark billions for our transgender indigenous brothers and sisters and others."
The Democrats' version of the bill would set aside $500 billion to fund gender reassignment surgeries and reparations for any indigenous person who has been forced to move thanks to the climate emergency.
"Millions will die if we do not get this added to the bill," Nancy Pelosi warned gravely. "American families are hurting, yes, but they need to wait a while longer so we can get all our pet projects added to the bill."
More at the site.
Listen all the way through - drink alert though, had to clean the soda off my keyboard:
Tip of the hat to Kenny at Knuckledraggin My Life Away
