Recently in Humor Category
This is fun - more of their work here Alternative Cuts:
From America's Newspaper of Record:
PA Senate Candidate Reminds Everyone That 'Fetterman' Is The Name Of The Doctor Who Created Him, Not His Actual Name
Midway through his debate against Dr. Oz this week, the Democratic candidate for Pennsylvania's open Senate seat issued a heated reminder that "Fetterman" was the name of the scientist who created him and not his own name.
"Before acknowledging the question, I would like to take this opportunity to remind the moderators, Dr. Oz, and the audience that it is a common misconception that I am ‘Fetterman' – Dr. Fetterman was actually the scientist who constructed me." The debate moderators apologized after they took a few moments to process the inarticulate grunts and groans.
Despite years of pop culture and political reporting using the misnomer "Fetterman" to refer to the hastily-constructed Democrat behemoth, fans of the source material have long called for the Pennsylvania Senate candidate to be called "the creature" or "Fetterman's monster" rather than "Fetterman." Some of the more astute onlookers have raised the question of whether Dr. Fetterman himself is morally culpable for creating a giant zombie from exhumed corpses and then abandoning his creation. These anti-Fetterman fans have summed up their stance with the pithy phrase: "Knowledge is knowing ‘Fetterman' isn't the monster, but wisdom is knowing that ‘Fetterman' is the monster."
At publishing time, the Democratic Senate candidate for Pennsylvania had stormed out, vowing revenge on the scientist who formed him but left him to be humiliated on the debate stage but was later calmed down by Gisele bringing him a glass of sugar water before he could carry out his oath.
Could be worse - from Knuckledraggin'
From America's Newspaper of Record:
Obama's Party Ruined As Mansion Sinks Into Sea Thanks To Climate Change
Well, this is tragic news: Barack Obama's long-awaited birthday bash has been ruined by climate change as his mansion sank into the sea thanks to global warming.
As guests participated in the activities, from fun games like "Pin the Drone on the Middle Eastern Country" to a rousing session of Settlers of Yemen, the sound of crashing water caused everyone to run outside. "Oh no!" shouted Hillary Clinton. "We've gotta cheese it—it's climate change!"
"How dare you!" shouted Greta Thunberg, lecturing the wave on how it's just supposed to consume evil white men.
"Aw, man!" said a disappointed Obama as he swam away. "I was looking forward to that Predator drone-shaped cake—it looked delicious!"
"I knew I shouldn't have invested in a $12 million-dollar mansion when I've warned people over and over again that it would be underwater in just a few years."
Many guests were soaked or swept away into the sea, though John Kerry and Al Gore called their pilots and got picked up in their private jets.
At publishing time, Obama had purchased yet another multi-million-dollar mansion on the new Atlantic coast in eastern Kansas.
Barkey knew the dangers but he bought the mansion anyway. What a mensch - didn't want it to fall into anyone else's hands. Anyone who did not know the dangers.
This is going to get me flagged but my first thought when I heard about the party was: "target rich environment".
From America's Newspaper of Record:
Exclusive: The Babylon Bee Has Acquired More Leaked Dr. Fauci Emails
By now, you've probably seen the Dr. Fauci emails that were leaked to the media.
We are pleased to announce we have obtained additional Fauci emails that are much juicier than the ones the media has shown you so far! These emails will give you an unprecedented look behind the scenes as Dr. Fauci responded to the global pandemic!
Fifteen at the site - here are three of them:
Twelve more at the site - newsworthy.
From Woodsterman - he is on fire tonight:
From Knuckledraggin'
Cute idea and spot on - from Fisher-Price:
I love the latte cup. Nice touch.
Someone had fun with this:
The My Pillow guy adjusts to the current political climate.
From America's Newspaper of Record - The Babylon Bee:
In Effort To Appeal To Socialists, Mike Lindell Introduces ‘OurPillow’
Mike Lindell, more commonly known as the “My Pillow Guy,” is making headlines once again with his newest line of pillows. MyPillow is now targeting the socialist demographic with the release of OurPillow.
“MyPillow did really well in the Trump era, but now with a new administration, it’s time to try out OurPillow, my comrades!” said an exuberant Mike Lindell. “And we are proud to announce that we are transitioning to overseas factories so every Our Pillow will be made 100% in the communist utopia of China!”
A recent "As Seen On TV" commercial revealed that OurPillow will no longer perfectly adjust to fit individuals, but instead it will conform to the masses. It also boasts a patented, quick-drying, liberal tear absorbing foam. "It’s guaranteed the most comfortable pillow the State will ever own and let you use!" said Lindell.
“We love how inclusive Our Pillow is, and now that the government is paying for it, everyone can enjoy!” said democratic socialist Millie Lenin. “Not to mention-- the built-in deodorizer is a nice touch.”
When asked how to order Our Pillow, Mike Lindell replied: “Look for OurPillow today being distributed at a breadline near you!”
All of Scotland's snow plows have been named and this website allows you to track them as they work.
From Not The Bee:
Scotland named every single one of their snowplows, and the names are hilarious
They call them "gritters" in Scotland.
The country has 230 vehicles that remove snow and salt the roads, and every single one of them has been getting a name since 2006 when the Scottish Transport Ministry began asking children to give them monikers.
A few of my favorites are David Plowie, Snowkemon Go, Spready Mercury, and The Grittest Snowman.
Not The Bee is the factual adjunct to the Babylon Bee satire website.
From Donald Trump Jr's twitter account:
Ya know, there’s actually a tiny part of me that wants to congratulate @RepSwalwell for getting a real, live woman to be intimate with him, even if she was a Chinese Communist spy. It’s gotta be so much harder for him now after he shat himself on live TV.
— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) December 9, 2020
That is going to leave a mark...
From Woodsterman:
Being 2020 and all:
A new take on an old (and perfect) quote from America's first polymath:
Over at Denny's - just go and read the whole thing: Grouchy Old Cripple
The best humor has an element of truth.
His latest cartoon on the debate (with a link to the backstory):
Cute backstory about some British African Grays at Miami, Florida station WPLG / Local 10
Gray parrots separated at zoo after swearing a blue streak
A British zoo has had to separate five foul-mouthed parrots who keepers say were encouraging each other to swear.
Billy, Eric, Tyson, Jade and Elsie joined Lincolnshire Wildlife Centre’s colony of 200 gray parrots in August, and soon revealed a penchant for blue language.
“We are quite used to parrots swearing, but we’ve never had five at the same time,” said the zoo’s chief executive, Steve Nichols. “Most parrots clam up outside, but for some reason these five relish it.”
Nichols said no visitors had complained about the parrots, and most found the situation funny.
“When a parrot tells tells you to ‘f-— off’ it amuses people very highly,” he said Tuesday. “It’s brought a big smile to a really hard year.”
Nichols said the parrots have been separated to save children’s ears. They were moved to different areas of the park so they don't “set each other off,” he said.
Heh:
Heh - fun video from Ozzy Man Reviews:
From America's Newspaper of Record:
Large Turnout At Memorial For Hans Gruber Who Was Thrown From A Building By A Police Officer
LOS ANGELES, CA—A huge crowd turned out Sunday for the Hans Gruber memorial service. Gruber was the victim of police violence, having been thrown from Nakatomi Plaza by police officer John McClane, which many consider one of the most excessive uses of force ever witnessed. After the incident, there were protests all week, and now thousands from all over the country came to pay respects to Gruber, widely described as an “intelligent and witty soul.”
“That man was a hero,” said Doyle Graham, who traveled from Nevada to pay respects. “I mean, I don’t really know much about him other than that some police officer killed him, but he seems like someone we should all honor and emulate.”
Gruber was part of a mainly peaceful protest against the Nakatomi Corporation, which was goaded into violence by the actions of McClane. Ultimately, McClane threw Gruber from the 30th floor, even though Gruber was completely unarmed (or at least he was when he hit the ground). Even LAPD Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson denounced the actions, calling McClane a “nutcase” who should have “just stayed put.”
We must protest this police violence. Video of the event can be found here. Sickening. Backstory here.
BillG and BillC - a comparison:
Found on the internet: