Barbie Dolls of the Pacific Northwest

Gerard Van der Leun has only been living in the Seattle area for less than a year and he already groks the PNW culture. Here he takes note of the latest Barbie Dolls for residents of the Pacific Northwest:
The North West Washington Barbies are FINALLY Available!
DO YOU RECOGNIZE any of these little dolls?

Laurelhurst Barbie: Available with a Volvo XC70, a Kate Spade handbag and Nike Sweatsuit. Her ponytail is pulled through the back of her baseball hat. She is very active on Juniors PTA and is fierce at school fund-raising auctions. Beware, you do not want to bid against her!

Comes with Double-tall soy latte with a splash of hazelnut, Xanax and Patagonia foul-weather gear. Optional accessories include either a black or yellow lab with tennis ball chucker.

Available at University Village.

Seattle Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary.

Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often "working" late.

Available at all Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.

Bellevue Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer H2 and a longhaired foreign lapdog named "Honey". Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation.

Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house.

Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

Tacoma Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. Available only after dark this model can only be purchased with cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about.

Boyfriend Ken is in jail.

Available at many pawn shops.
And he doesn't forget our neck of the woods either:
Bellingham Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken doll.

If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker.

Available at REI.
Downright prescient -- Gerard put this online last Thursday and this Sunday's Bellingham Herald had this article:
Ubiquitous Subaru an icon of the Northwest
From old to new, Bellingham drivers have a soft spot for these vehicles

If Bellingham were a car, it'd be a 1999 forest green Subaru Outback with a bumper sticker or two. So says Logan Parsons, a Western Washington University student. "I see a lot of them. It just seems like the Bellingham car. They're everywhere," she says.

In fact, ask just about anybody in town about Bellingham and any Subaru model and you'll get a knowing chuckle. Subarus, like fleece jackets or coffee mugs, are an iconic in-joke that seems to reflect the essence of the City of Subdued Excitement.

For that reason, Bellingham just might be the buckle of the Subaru Belt.

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by DaveH published on April 2, 2006 2:23 PM.

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