Shopping with Rachel

Blogger Rachel Lucas shares the experiences of a shopping trip to Target...
Going to Target is like visiting the chimp habitat at the zoo.
I need to start taking my camera every time I go there, to photographically prove to you my justification for wanting to break necks and throw karate chops all over the place. Last Saturday, I made the FATAL MISTAKE of shopping there at about 1 in the afternoon, when the monkey/white trash population is at its peak. I started wanting to cut people before I even got in the front door because was I able to enter the front door freely? NO I WAS NOT.

Because the front door - a double-wide automatic-opening front door - was blocked by a young couple together achieving a triumphant 700 pounds and their three crackhead children, who had stopped en masse to discuss who was going to which area of the store first. Mom wanted to hit the clothes section, you see, but would she be able to find Taylor later in the toy section if Dad was over in the auto section with Ashley and Mikey? There were literally 10 people who had approached the door and would have liked very fucking much to enter, but these clowns apparently exist in one of the alternate universes where actual human beings are invisible.

Most of us stood gaping at the sheer audacity of the asshole family, and sort of wedging past them, but finally a young guy came charging through saying �What�s the holdup, people? Let�s MOVE!� It was kind of hot, to be honest with you.

Once inside the store, I chanted to myself do not kill do not kill do not kill and tried to ignore all the people who need killin�. Did okay until I got to the house-cleaning supplies aisle, in which I encountered a middle-aged couple with TWO carts, which of course were side-by-side and of course blocking all ingress and egress. The woman was asking the man if they should use bleach on that and the man was muttering something about how the hell should he know?
Spot on! Retail therapy should involve baseball bats, ordnance and live ammo (by licensed owners) and custard pies. Her commenters are wonderful -- here is one from BasilRiverdale:
As a complete misanthrope and confirmed elitist snob, I only shop in places where the clientele dresses in coat and tie. Ditto for the rare times I go to a bar. I just refuse to mingle anymore with the unwashed. Grocery shopping by necessity is an exception to the rule. Once a week I put on full camo, combat boots, and pack an empty shoulder holster under my jacket (been meaning to get that CC for awhile). Then I wrap a utility belt with ammo pouches and a six battery flashlight around my waist (next best thing to a billie club), and top it off with a black SWAT TEAM hat. Given that Santa Fe is 50% liberal weenies, and 50% illegal aliens, I find the costume generally clears the way before I have to announce myself. And it makes shopping much more fun. Same costume is equally good for sushi bars, the plant nursery, and Borders Books.
I would love to have thought of that when I was living in Seattle. Here especially: University Village Talk about a target-rich environment...

October 2022

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
            1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31          

Environment and Climate
AccuWeather
Cliff Mass Weather Blog
Climate Depot
Ice Age Now
ICECAP
Jennifer Marohasy
Solar Cycle 24
Space Weather
Watts Up With That?


Science and Medicine
Junk Science
Life in the Fast Lane
Luboš Motl
Medgadget
Next Big Future
PhysOrg.com


Geek Stuff
Ars Technica
Boing Boing
Don Lancaster's Guru's Lair
Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories
FAIL Blog
Hack a Day
Kevin Kelly - Cool Tools
Neatorama
Slashdot: News for nerds
The Register
The Daily WTF


Comics
Achewood
The Argyle Sweater
Chip Bok
Broadside Cartoons
Day by Day
Dilbert
Medium Large
Michael Ramirez
Prickly City
Tundra
User Friendly
Vexarr
What The Duck
Wondermark
xkcd


NO WAI! WTF?¿?¿
Awkward Family Photos
Cake Wrecks
Not Always Right
Sober in a Nightclub
You Drive What?


Business and Economics
The Austrian Economists
Carpe Diem
Coyote Blog


Photography and Art
Digital Photography Review
DIYPhotography
James Gurney
Joe McNally's Blog
PetaPixel
photo.net
Shorpy
Strobist
The Online Photographer


Blogrolling
A Western Heart
AMCGLTD.COM
American Digest
The AnarchAngel
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Babalu Blog
Belmont Club
Bayou Renaissance Man
Classical Values
Cobb
Cold Fury
David Limbaugh
Defense Technology
Doug Ross @ Journal
Grouchy Old Cripple
Instapundit
iowahawk
Irons in the Fire
James Lileks
Lowering the Bar
Maggie's Farm
Marginal Revolution
Michael J. Totten
Mostly Cajun
Neanderpundit
neo-neocon
Power Line
ProfessorBainbridge.com
Questions and Observations
Rachel Lucas
Roger L. Simon
Samizdata.net
Sense of Events
Sound Politics
The Strata-Sphere
The Smallest Minority
The Volokh Conspiracy
Tim Blair
Velociworld
Weasel Zippers
WILLisms.com
Wizbang


Gone but not Forgotten...
A Coyote at the Dog Show
Bad Eagle
Steven DenBeste
democrats give conservatives indigestion
Allah
BigPictureSmallOffice
Cox and Forkum
The Diplomad
Priorities & Frivolities
Gut Rumbles
Mean Mr. Mustard 2.0
MegaPundit
Masamune
Neptunus Lex
Other Side of Kim
Publicola
Ramblings' Journal
Sgt. Stryker
shining full plate and a good broadsword
A Physicist's Perspective
The Daily Demarche
Wayne's Online Newsletter

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by DaveH published on December 8, 2007 10:32 PM.

Not the answer they were looking for - ranching version was the previous entry in this blog.

A few years ago - waterboarding is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Monthly Archives

Pages

OpenID accepted here Learn more about OpenID
Powered by Movable Type 5.2.9