The nerve of the guy - from America's Newspaper of Record:
Christmas Canceled After Sam Brinton Steals Santa’s Sack
ANCHORAGE, ALASKA — Christmas 2023 has been canceled after Sam Brinton stole Santa Claus' sack. Brinton, Deputy Assistant Secretary of the Office of Spent Fuel, was seen on security footage taking the sack from Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport on Saturday afternoon.
"We are sorry to announce that Christmas has been canceled," said a spokesman for the Office of Santa Claus. "A magical bottomless sack of that sort is one of a kind, and we cannot get another on such short notice. What kind of sicko would steal Santa's sack?!"
Authorities say Brinton is still at large and the location of the sack remains unknown.
The good news is that he is going to be looking for another gig. He no longer works for our Department of Energy.
Hey Sam - wanna practice for your new job? Say this clearly and cheerfully : "Would you like fries with that?"
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